Cancer + (Unsolicited) Advice

If you've ever wondered what the worst part about having cancer is, I can tell you.

It's not wondering how much time you have left to live.

It's not the scanxiety (anxiety about what your scans look like).

It's not the chemo.

Okay, maybe it's the chemo. The chemo really sucks.

I can tell you what the second worst part about having cancer is:

The unsolicited medical advice you receive from absolute random strangers.

When you reveal to people that you have cancer (or any disease or illness, really), you are opening the floodgates for people to tell you their woo-woo miracle cures and alternative treatments. For some reason, your simply existing with this illness makes some people assume that you want to hear how their great uncle's dentist's mother's dogwalker cured his cancer.

Some of these pieces of advice are seemingly innocent - though no unsolicited advice is ever truly innocent, as the person receiving the advice never asked, and it can honestly be harmful. If someone takes advice from a non-physician/medical professional, the results could be hazardous or even deadly. 

Innocent or not, some are less dangerous than others. "Go vegan" and "Stop eating sugar" are two I hear constantly. If I had a dollar for every time someone told me "SuGaR fEeDs CaNcEr" I could maybe fill my car with gas.

Others are worse. Like, way worse. Things that if attempted could land you in the Emergency Room.

Here are two of the absolute wildest examples I have been given:

1. Take dog dewormer
2. Inject baking soda into the tumor

You read that right. Baking. Soda. Injection. 

People who believe in the dog dewormer theory will talk up and down about how it cured their mom's cancer or that there's a study being done on its efficacy but Big Pharma won't tell you about it because they want to keep you sick so they keep getting your money. 

I asked my Green Bay oncologist about the dog dewormer thing. She told me that she knows about it, and that most people who try it come back in worse shape. She also said that if dog dewormer cured cancer, Big Pharma would be the first to scoop it up and sell it. She also mentioned how sad it is that some people believe that doctors want to keep you sick. Most oncologists got into oncology because they themselves have been affected by cancer in some way, and she can't imagine how people can think so poorly of them.

The people who dole out unsolicited medical advice think they are doing you a favor. They think they're helping you and that you should be so grateful to them for giving you this amazing piece of information. So when you tell them no, or to stop, they get angry. They turn on you and tell you to "Do your own research" (how many times have we heard that phrase in the last two years?). Others pile on you and tell you "They were just trying to help, no need to be nasty!" when you get upset that someone suggested you take a pill meant to deworm a dog for the 276th time, when you literally did not ask. It's infuriating and there's no way to win the argument so the best thing you can do for your own mental health is to just block and ignore. (Or walk away if the interaction is happening face-to-face in the real world and not on The Internet.)

Let me be very clear: People who give unsolicited medical advice are not trying to help you. They are trying to make themselves feel good, because they feel like they helped someone else. 

It's similar to when you do a good deed, like pay for someone's coffee in the drive-thru line behind you, and then post about your good deed on social media. Couldn't you just pay for the coffee and then....not post about it? Does a good deed count if you don't post about it? I'm realizing these two things don't really have anything in common but it is very annoying so I am keeping this paragraph in to show you how smart I am.

Woo-woo magical miracle cures are just that: woo-woo. The people who peddle them love to tell anyone who will listen, because they think they know something the world has yet to discover. In this case, it's the cure for cancer.

Trust me, if my doctor (at one of the top hospitals for cancer treatment in the United States) tells me that dog dewormer has been declared effective in fighting cancer and that he's going to stop chemo and prescribe me Fenbendazole as my only means of treatment going forward, I will eat my hat. But until then, for the love of all that is holy, please keep your advice out of my ear (and my comments section).